Long time no...speak...

Well hello again blogpot. I have not graced you with my words in a long time. Maybe it's because i havent had much to say or maybe because I havent had the time...I actually think that the main reason is that lately, i've tried to keep my thought and feelings to myself. But I'm thinking that it's about time for some change! I wish I could say that I'm not sure what happened to the once very open person that I used to be, but that would be a lie.
I can honestly say that this hasn't been the easiest year. Losing an eye, losing an uncle, losing a family...i think somewhere along the way i lost myself. I've done some stupid things in the past year or more...most of which i wish i had done differently. I try so hard to not feel sorry for myself but sometimes I just can't help it. Sometimes I feel like I've lost everything...and honestly, the pain is often unbearable. But you know what I always say? I say that I always think of Job. That's what i tell people. But you know what? I don't think I really have thought about Job. I can honestly say that i know the story by heart. Job's my favorite Bible character...always has been. And it feels like he and I have so much alike...but we really don't. I wish that I had the faith that Job had. Don't get me wrong, I have complete trust that God will take care of me. But sometimes its hard to help but wonder when things will look up.
I've spilled my heart to say one thing...IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE BRANDON KEENER!!
And yes...this post is more for me than anyone else. If i write it down...I hope it will be easier! I need a change! So I am giving everything to God. Something that I should have done a LONG time ago! I think that it's easy to give part of it over to God...but if we give everything over to Him we feel like we have no control...and for some reason that scares us...it sure scares me. But heck! That's the point! I don't need to have any control...i never had control. God's in control and it's a lot easier for Him and for me if I just give it all to Him. So Brandon Keener is putting his life and everything in it in God's control. In his hands where I know it's safe. I guess you could call this a rededication...I am dedicating my self to Christ and His will. I dont want to try to live my life anymore. I want to live the life HE has for me! I'm sick of trying to take care of things myself! That's one of my worst characteristics. I try to hard to fix everything. Why? I want control...but as I said earlier...I have control over nothing! Anyway...im ranting like crazy! But thats how I feel. That's what I'm thinking! I want to be completely in love with God right now!!!
WOW! that feels great!